Allowing myself to receive gifts

A few weekends ago, I had the joy of leading an oracle card-making workshop at a dear friend’s home. On my way to set up, I stopped to pick up coffee for those helping set up from my favourite neighbourhood spot. Why not make this great day even better with a treat? But as soon as I got to the coffee shop, a voice in my head started saying, “Oh no, you’re going to be late now. It‘s Saturday, there will be a line, it’ll take forever to make the coffee. Then, you’ll be in a rush and bring that energy into the workshop.” 

The voice made me tense and anxious. I also noticed it was a little absurd. I mean, was grabbing coffee going to be the day’s undoing? I watched the baristas before me start to make my order, and something shifted. I realized these baristas know a lot more about making coffee than I do. So, relax Beth! Let them take care of you. And as I did, my shoulders dropped. I realized it was a sunny day, and I was thrilled to be doing what I love. I got the coffee and arrived right on time bearing gifts and in a state of mind present and open enough to notice other gifts around me: one person was putting their creative spin on laying out our snack tray in the most beautiful way, while someone else helped arrange the space thoughtfully. Throughout the workshop, people shared more gifts—their raw ideas, authenticity, and learnings—that allowed us to witness each other in the messiness of the growth process. I noticed there was so much I didn’t have to do as a facilitator, which enabled me to put my energy where it was actually needed; finding the balance between shaping the experience and stepping back to shine a light on what’s naturally emerging through others in the moment (the absolute best part, in my opinion).

The phrase that kept bubbling up within me that day was, “What is already being taken care of?” And this phrase has stayed with me over the last couple weeks, rippling through my life. Whenever I catch myself tightening my grip, feeling overwhelmed by everything I think I need to do, I pause. I open my hands, look to the sky, and ask: what is already being taken care of? This phrase has become my doorway into a more spacious perspective. I remember I can’t control everything—in fact, it’s much better that I don’t because then there is room to be surprised and delighted by something new. I’m starting to love that I am but a small little bloop in this vast, mysterious flow of life because I get to be in awe of what’s unfolding before me. It’s like I’m a collaborator with the mystery, dancing with what’s happening. 

After the workshop, I took home a spread of handmade cards and have been reflecting on them. Last week, I drew one card in response to a question I had, and what emerged was this playful image of SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick riding in the Patty Wagon, hands in the air, just having fun. That image has become a symbol for me, representing this idea that the journey can be fun, I can relax, and I don’t have to grip the wheel so tightly to go in the right direction. I can be present, and I can be in awe. This has become a daily practice where each morning, I meditate on this image, embodying that sense of fun and ease (like literally, I hold one hand out holding an imaginary wheel, my face in awe of the world around me, and my other hand in the air waving like I just don’t care). I physically and energetically spend time in this posture, so that this mindset infuses my life. My body is becoming familiar with it from practice, and so I can find this perspective easily in the flow of my day. And yes, it’s a little silly, but I’m looking for more of that in my life, anyways.

I’d love to know:

When was the last time you noticed something already being taken care of? When things around you seemed to work in your favor without you having to control every detail? And how did you work with it?