Participating in my rearranging

This past week was one of those weeks that shoots you into another dimension with accelerated change. I got blasted through a portal, and along the way, all my wildest dreams, my biggest fears, and the old beliefs that hold me back got dredged up and surfaced for me to see.

On one hand, I found myself being catapulted into opportunities that I only once dreamed about, watching my life divinely unfolding before my eyes. On the other hand, I felt the weight of perfectionism - the feeling that I needed to arrive in completely new situations already an expert, already having everything figured out, and knowing the way forward. I’ll be honest: it was one of those weeks where I felt my anxiety sitting right at the surface. I had to hold a lot of space and kindness for myself just to move through the world with it. And at first, I didn’t quite know what to do with that level of discomfort.

What I believe is that these old stories and patterns weren’t surfacing to truly hold me back. They were surfacing because this new opportunity was asking me to transform them, so they can become something more useful going forward. And that transformation took work and my active participation.

And the work wasn’t gritting my teeth through the discomfort or forcing myself to push ahead the way I habitually would. Instead, it meant pausing. And in that pause, consciously choosing how I want to move forward now as this version of me and the next version of myself I want to become.

Practically, that looked simple. In moments when I felt anxiety or overwhelm rising, I stopped. I put my hand on my heart. I took a few deep breaths. And I said to myself, out loud: “I’m here, and I have your back.” From that place, I asked myself what it would look like to pour love into myself in that particular moment so that I could feel supported doing something new for the very first time. It became less about proving myself and more about resourcing myself to do (what is for me) a big, brave thing.

I recently learned that when butterflies transform in their cocoon, their muscle tissues turn to goo first so that all the material can be reorganized into something new. So, remember that next time it feels like life is handing you an opportunity to help you grow. You are goo right now (not forever). Give yourself a pause, hand on heart, so you can be a part of the rearranging process. 

My hand-on-heart tune of the week: i love me by Joy Rhodes

What are ways that you create a pause in the midst of life’s intensity?

P.S. I am hosting a public workshop called The Collage Portal on Sunday, August 23 at the Yoga Circle (Vancouver), and you’re invited. This is a space to bring all the thoughts and feelings present in this season of life to sift through, work with, and rearrange where you desire.

The Collage Portal is a creative workshop where you will make your own oracle cards using magazines, paper, and mixed media. Through guided prompts and reflection, you will gain fresh perspective, connect with others, and leave with a meaningful keepsake. This edition invites you to celebrate the abundant, unhurried quality of summer before we begin to approach the Autumn Equinox, as well as to explore other shifts happening in your life. 

You can read more and register here.