I don't know-ing

A few weekends ago, I went to a seasonal ceremony where I sat with others to open our hearts, receive the gift of Cacao and breathe together. It felt like opening a portal of peace and healing for our world. During the circle, we were guided to reflect inward, identifying something that it’s time to shed as we move into fall (the season of winding down). Then, we had the opportunity to partner up and share our thoughts with others. 

I was paired with somebody who was at the circle for the first time and they asked me to go first as a way of providing an example for what this could look like. I spoke about a challenge I’ve been working through lately and as I did, a surprising certainty came through around what I knew it was time for. As they listened, they laughed and asked, “Did you really just think of all that right now?”

The short answer was: no. I had been chewing on this for a few weeks now, but the insight became clear to me in that moment as I articulated it to someone who was deeply listening. I realized that the answer that came felt grounded and authentic to me because I hadn’t rushed it. It came through when it was good and ready, after I’d been sitting with ‘I don’t know’ for some time. 

I believe this skill of being in ‘open inquiry’ is an important one for personal growth. It’s like the liminal space between an old understanding and a new understanding; it’s where things rearrange and take a new form. Opening up to the unknown in this way takes courage and resilience to experience the discomfort of uncertainty.

To be in inquiry is to be able to ask a question about something happening in your life and be ok without having an immediate answer. To be with the unresolved. Rather than asking a leading question like what’s wrong with me?, this is best done with open, generous and curious questions like:

What is this showing me?

What else might be true?

What do I deeply desire?

A small-scale practice for open inquiry can be drawing an oracle card without reading the interpretation right away. Instead, sit with it for a whole breathwork or yoga session and see what you feel throughout.

When I'm in open inquiry, I go about life and allow my relationship with the question to change. Maybe I even forget about it a little—wait to see where my attention is peaked or my body signals that something feels relevant, like there’s a new message being delivered. For me, this can look like:

• Something somebody says (possibly unrelated) in conversation feels resonant, almost awakening.

• I read something and it feels deeply moving and relevant to the question.

• I realize or remember something about the question, and in the same moment, something magical happens, like I’m visited by a hummingbird or I spot a rainbow

• I pull an oracle card or make a piece of art without over-analyzing it. I notice what I feel about it today, and I let it sit out so I can revisit it later and see what’s changed.

I find the trick is to pause and listen internally when something feels relevant, like my heart, gut, or spirit knows something my mind hasn’t caught up to yet. 

When do you stop being in open inquiry? It has taken me practice to know the feeling of what I want amidst all the opinions, stories, and possibilities that my mind is always calculating. Sometimes I choose and see what happens. Sometimes I make a mistake. But after much practice, I have come to see taking action at these junctures as an opportunity to honour this inner knowing (it’s like having my own back).

The most important thing I’d want to say about this process is that it’s not something to be forced or controlled. It’s not that you find the answer, it’s that you allow it to emerge by putting energy into remaining unattached to the outcome.

What are you in open inquiry about right now?

Let me know below. Taking the time to frame it as a generous and open question creates an invisible container to receive messages from The Great Unknown.

If you’re asking big questions right now and you’d like a partner to help you navigate the unknown, that’s exactly what I do as a coach. You can learn more here.